Finding True Love This Holiday Season by Adhering to the Two Date Rule … Or Maybe Three

By Marni Galison, President of Sunday at Noon Matchmaking Service

In the midst of the current holiday shopping season there are hoards of fabulous single women across the country heading to Macy’s, Bloomingdale’s, Saks Fifth Avenue, and so on, to do their holiday shopping. Many are thinking: “Wouldn’t this golf shirt make a perfect gift, or this shaving kit, or this device from The Sharper Image (though I have no clue what it does)?” But, alas, these holiday gifts get left on the shelves as all of these wonderful unattached women continue their holiday shopping for Aunt Myrna’s favorite perfume or cousin Carrie’s hat and scarf set. While the joy of spending time with family members during the holiday season is certainly fulfilling, for some of our lovely holiday shoppers, a sense of frustration looms this time of year as they hear their friends recounting what adorable holiday gifts they purchased for their significant others, or where their boyfriends are taking them for New Year’s Eve; or even more bittersweet, announcing their engagements.

As a professional matchmaker, I know hundreds of quality single women who are so ready to meet the right partner but feel extremely frustrated that he has not come along yet. But maybe, just maybe, he has come along and they just didn’t recognize him? And so this holiday season I would like to offer one piece of advice that, if followed, might very well lead to holiday shopping for that special someone when next December rolls around: adopt the two date rule.

If you are single (and want to change that status), I urge you to make just one New Year’s resolution for 2012: adopt the “two date rule” for any and every quality guy who you had a nice time with, even if you didn’t feel that instant attraction. Even if you wish he were a little funnier, a little edgier, a little chattier, a little taller … you get the point. I am not saying enforce this rule for every date. If the guy is slovenly, rude to wait-staff, or completely inconsiderate then you’re off the hook. But if you actually had a nice time but just didn’t feel those “fireworks” on date #1, why not get to know Mister Nice Guy just a little bit more instead of immediately writing him off? On a second date, people are less nervous, and are more comfortable opening up and showing what they are really about. You might not feel any differently after date two, but at least you know that you gave the guy a chance and will have made your decision based on more reliable information (and think about how many undeserving guys you have granted far more than just two dates!).

Of course, I know some readers are thinking: “I’m not going on a second date with someone I am not attracted to because I’m not looking to waste my time or anyone else’s.” But if the issue is investment of time and you are at a point where you are sincerely looking to find a true life partner and have a family, what do you have to lose by investing another hour or two to see if this quality person has potential? As a matchmaker I have this conversation with my clients on occasion and it goes something like this: “He was a really nice guy, obviously smart, great job, loves his family, but there were just no fireworks. I don’t think it is worth a second date.”

Some clients will assert that they are very decisive, know the type of guy they connect with and don’t need two dates to gather additional information. Thus, if they don’t feel an instant attraction, they are convinced that the guy is “not their type.” Sometimes I am inclined to defer to new clients after I hear this, as it sounds logical, and, after all, they know themselves best. But then I inevitably go back to the same questions – what does it mean to say you didn’t feel “fireworks?”

Were you lacking that “where have you been all of my life? You seem perfect!” feeling? Or a “I just can’t wait to rip all of your clothes off!” sensation? Do either of these feelings represent true chemistry and compatibility, or simply infatuation and lust? I ask my readers to think of all the times they felt those “fireworks” on date #1. Maybe it led to date two or three and then you learned that the guy was a jerk, a player, or maybe he no longer felt fireworks with you. We have all experienced the guy who was sending flowers after date one, inviting himself to family functions after date two, only to disappear after date three. Ok, maybe the fireworks on date #1 led to a two year relationship that was great in the beginning but just felt wrong over time. Clearly, in the foregoing circumstances the first date fireworks did not equate to a sign from the universe that you had found Mr. Right.

I am not discounting initial instincts when it comes to dating, but rather, encouraging people not think that anything short of a Hollywood storyline means that a great guy is not “the one.” As a matchmaker, I have seen too much not to advocate for the “two date rule.” In fact, there is a great book that would convert any woman to the “two date rule” called, He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s A Good Thing) by Andrea Syrtash.

Recently, I heard on a television program that research of married couples showed that many of the men polled knew on the first date that they wanted to marry their wives, whereas it took the women at least six dates to arrive at the same conclusion about their husbands. Perhaps there is some flexibility in this statistic, but the general premise is telling. Most of the time, when women return from a first date gushing about instant fireworks, proclaiming that they can’t stop thinking about the guy and that they are envisioning their wedding day, that spells trouble! Single women who are looking for love will very often feel this instant attraction and run with it, going all in, before really getting to know the person and what they’re about.

We all know that fireworks make for a great show but tend to end with a loud bang and leave you with nothing but smoke. A small ember that builds into a great fire is a beautiful way for a lasting love affair to grow and thrive. So why not let yourself be pleasantly surprised with a flame that builds steadily over time? After all, the holiday season is a magical time of year and with an open mind and heart, truly anything is possible.

Marni Galison is a successful Manhattan-based matchmaker who interacts with countless single professionals across the country. As the founder and CEO of Sunday at Noon, a personalized matchmaking and upscale events company, Marni brings a fun, informative and thought provoking touch to her matchmaking. Marni is also the host of the weekly radio program, “Love in the the Afternoon with Marni Galison” and the well-regarded Sunday at Noon Blog. For more information, please visit: www.sundayatnoon.com

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